im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
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Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
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I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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