I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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