i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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