I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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