I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
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I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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