I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
porn star boner night. come get it.
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i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
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Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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