She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
