I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
