At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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