***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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