they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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