Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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