I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
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I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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