you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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