Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
