just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize