Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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