I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize