I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize