i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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