I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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