He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just pee around me
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When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize