I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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