u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize