Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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