i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
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I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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