Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize