wakey wakey hands off snakey
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize