Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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