In America we eat man semen.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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