you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Operation Purity has been aborted
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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