Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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