i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize