Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt know i had herpes?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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