she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
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He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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