you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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