yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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