Betty ford says i'm here all night
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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