he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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