I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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