we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
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You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
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He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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