I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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