I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
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I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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