He asked me if I "almost moaned"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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