yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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