i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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