I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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