how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
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Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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