The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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