Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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