he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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