omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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